Salam all,
I didn't know office politics can bring the company down. Seriously, how can a company survive with less than 5 staffs?
I remembered the first time I entered the office with Irwan, my first reaction, this office is so bloodly ugly. But I accepted this job to support my family. And I need this job. Gosh, I really need to read Rich Dad Poor Dad again. Eversince I have a full time job, my mind starts to think I'm poor.
Ok, back to office politics. I am the center of the good vs. evil where I transfer communications between this two parties as they both dislike talking to one another, only if they have to or when I'm not around. It's between the management level and entry level conflicts. And guess who wins the battle? It's the entry level that wins and boss didn't even think that kicking out he management level will totally bring the whole business down.
Imagine a business w/o any manager and your boss only came to office once a month. Among all left, the one who felt the most stressed out is me. Why? Because I did 99% of the customer service and network problems? This is vital especially when your company is dealing with telecommunications.
The managers kept a secret from me as they know I cannot take the news as I will be very very disappointed and emotional. Until, one of my cellogue burst the news to me. They suggest me to leave too before the management leave. So told them, I'll only leave after I get my diploma cert and I cannot afford to be jobless when the orang gila at home is shaking her leg doing nothing.
I felt extremely angry every time I saw her face at home. Imagine when you just came home from work and the first thing your mother said is about money problem. It's not that my family is facing debt or extreme financial difficulties. It's just that I can only give what I can afford. But to my mother it is not enough, especially when she wants to buy her own needs. I am never angry with my mum, I only angry with the ''org gila'' for making mum stressing me out over money.
Everytime I came home feeling very exhausted over the workload, my mum will said, "Siti, makanan kucing da abes." "Siti, ada duit tak, mak nak beli..... " "Siti, surat bill telepon da datang". -_- And I asked, "Mak bukan nak tanya, ct da makan ke blum.. macam mane siti nyer keje.. ni tak.. mane siti tak marah kat orang gila tu. Mak biarkan dia goyang kaki abeh kalau org dia datang, mak risau". You know it is so ugly to see a 24 year old being so emotional like a few months old baby. Seriously, is that going to solve any problem at all?
From young, I am the one who was force to take over your responsibility in the family and you get the credit. I am the one who has to be independent and you always depend on others. I am the youngest but felt the burden of the eldest responsibilities piling up on me as I grow older. I remembered when my sibilings are offered to go to overseas school trip, my parents gave them money. And it's my turn, they said they can't afford to pay for the trip. Though disappointed, I'm okay with that.
I started work at the age of 15, and you? You only work once you graduated and you quit so soon. When I'm poly, I have to pay my own school fees, and you? Dad paid for you. When I managed to enter poly, I asked dad for a laptop and he said he have to pay by installment as he can't afford to pay full amt. I paid 50% of the monthly installment and I need to work to pay that off. You? Dad paid your installment, you bloody ungrateful daughter. When you get your first full time job salary, you don't need to pay the bills. And me? I settle the outstanding bill that you are suppose to pay with my first full-time pay. I have to work more than one job to earn extra income. And you? You only need a job and that, you are too lazy to do so.
Even the family wants to go out, they wants me to tag along. If I don't, they won't go. I asked my family, "Whey need me? Why not the first? When she refused to go, you all okay with that. When I refused, they all will persuade and plead me till I said yes,"
Yet, I don't feel my parents upbringing is incorrect or I blame that over this matter. I blamed fully on that orang gila.
If I want to, I can leave this job. But I hold on because of my family excluding you.
Irwan is the eldest sibling. And his attitude towards his family is so different that you. I never see you as a role model or someone to depend on. Irwan pays the bill, help his brother find job, follow his family if they want to go out, carried out his responsibilities as an older brother well. You place everything to me.
I am not talking about what the first sibling should do and what last sibiling should not do. It's about corporation. If you don't corporate and being selfish all the time, I can't live harmoniously with you. Never.
