This week lesson take-away
Throughout this week, I've learnt a lot of things about marriage life eversince my colleague, named "anna" (not real name) told me that she will be getting a divorce of more than 20 years marriage with her husband in the middle of this month. The reason I did not state her real name here is because I respect others privacy but there's need for me to share to others what their experience - A lesson to be remembered.
A failed marriage
I asked her, "Why? Do you guys remember the sweet memories of when you both first met?" She told me that it's useless. They could not work out anymore because her husband kept a women for 6 years behind her. He had a high-paying job in the early years of marriage but had lost it eventually. As a wife, she decide to go out to look for job to help her husband to cope their family financial. She work hard 5 days per week, a night shift job. After 6 years, she just found out that the man she loved had stabbed her back hard. He found new love 20 years younger than him. That's when she started to lose faith of her marriage - she was emotionally disturbed and have lose a lot of weight since.
She found another love and introduce to her husband. She said to me that she do not like to keep a secret like her husband did. I asked her, "So are you going to marry him after divorce?" "I'm not sure, marriage is like a phobia to me after this incident." She married her husband even though he was not good looking. She's 10 years younger than him and she never though he is going to do such a thing. She did not complete her school and got married at a young age of 21 due to her late mum pressure to see all her children walk down the aisle before she passed away.
The valuable advice
She had to work to support her 3 children. She gave me a valuable advice, "Siti, you should work hard. Get a good job than your husband. So that when he chuck you one side, you are still able to survive". During my secondary school years, I plan to get married at the age of 21 - which is this year. That was before I met Irwan. However, when I think back, it isn't worth to marry someone at a young age when you yourself have not achieve your dreams or are not happy with the current situation - even though you love someone that much. Irwan and I had plan to get married only when we can afford to buy a house, get a stable job and have enough money to bulid a family (which includes children). So I told myself, I want to at least set up a small business before I get married. The reason is: Money is very important in marriage. Don't get me wrong. Love is also important but w/o money, love becomes hatred. In a study shows that the root cause of divorce is lack of money. You just can't denied, it's the fact.
Get what you deserved
Setting up a small business under my own name. I will never consider my husband as a shareholder. You know why? Because I once worked in a pushcart business that were shared between husband and wife. After they got divorce, the whole business just shut down because the money is split and there's isn't enough support to continue the business. The wife, from a housewife to a full-time employee. I told Irwan, that I wish to achive my dreams and become successful before we get married. Why bother make the other happy with you yourself are not satisfied with what you have?
Single at the age of 50 due to divorce
In a financial book titled, "Rich Women" by Kim Kiyosaki, it stated that a percentage (I forgot the figures) of women in America are single at the age of 50 due to divorce and most of them face financial difficulties because they depend too much on their husband. Their financial rate go down as high as 70%. An excuse for a women not able to be financially independant is because she have too much responsibility as a daughter, wife and mother. It's different era now. I will salute housewives who have brains to think to get their own pocket money besides getting it from their husband. Look at how many women are had established an online business, especially at Multiply - and most of them are housewives! (:
When I asked my other cellogue why she get married at an age of 21, she said that she never think about it but advice me not to get married so soon. Yesterday, while serving a female customer, I talked to 'Leen', "Wah.. before marriage, happy like honeymoon. After marriage, honeymoon period finished already..hahaha!" And the customer join in the conversation, "Yup, that's true. Life during marriage isn't as beautiful as life before marriage. It sucks! I'm sorry, I just tell based upon my experience but I think it's the fact."
I can't say that marriage life isn't beautiful because I'm not yet marriage and I think that it's subjective. Nevertheless, I do want to get married but not right now, until I have achieve what I want in life. I do not want to add burden on my shoulders if I am not able to lighten it.
Salam,
Rohani
A failed marriage
I asked her, "Why? Do you guys remember the sweet memories of when you both first met?" She told me that it's useless. They could not work out anymore because her husband kept a women for 6 years behind her. He had a high-paying job in the early years of marriage but had lost it eventually. As a wife, she decide to go out to look for job to help her husband to cope their family financial. She work hard 5 days per week, a night shift job. After 6 years, she just found out that the man she loved had stabbed her back hard. He found new love 20 years younger than him. That's when she started to lose faith of her marriage - she was emotionally disturbed and have lose a lot of weight since.
She found another love and introduce to her husband. She said to me that she do not like to keep a secret like her husband did. I asked her, "So are you going to marry him after divorce?" "I'm not sure, marriage is like a phobia to me after this incident." She married her husband even though he was not good looking. She's 10 years younger than him and she never though he is going to do such a thing. She did not complete her school and got married at a young age of 21 due to her late mum pressure to see all her children walk down the aisle before she passed away.
The valuable advice
She had to work to support her 3 children. She gave me a valuable advice, "Siti, you should work hard. Get a good job than your husband. So that when he chuck you one side, you are still able to survive". During my secondary school years, I plan to get married at the age of 21 - which is this year. That was before I met Irwan. However, when I think back, it isn't worth to marry someone at a young age when you yourself have not achieve your dreams or are not happy with the current situation - even though you love someone that much. Irwan and I had plan to get married only when we can afford to buy a house, get a stable job and have enough money to bulid a family (which includes children). So I told myself, I want to at least set up a small business before I get married. The reason is: Money is very important in marriage. Don't get me wrong. Love is also important but w/o money, love becomes hatred. In a study shows that the root cause of divorce is lack of money. You just can't denied, it's the fact.
Get what you deserved
Setting up a small business under my own name. I will never consider my husband as a shareholder. You know why? Because I once worked in a pushcart business that were shared between husband and wife. After they got divorce, the whole business just shut down because the money is split and there's isn't enough support to continue the business. The wife, from a housewife to a full-time employee. I told Irwan, that I wish to achive my dreams and become successful before we get married. Why bother make the other happy with you yourself are not satisfied with what you have?
Single at the age of 50 due to divorce
In a financial book titled, "Rich Women" by Kim Kiyosaki, it stated that a percentage (I forgot the figures) of women in America are single at the age of 50 due to divorce and most of them face financial difficulties because they depend too much on their husband. Their financial rate go down as high as 70%. An excuse for a women not able to be financially independant is because she have too much responsibility as a daughter, wife and mother. It's different era now. I will salute housewives who have brains to think to get their own pocket money besides getting it from their husband. Look at how many women are had established an online business, especially at Multiply - and most of them are housewives! (:
When I asked my other cellogue why she get married at an age of 21, she said that she never think about it but advice me not to get married so soon. Yesterday, while serving a female customer, I talked to 'Leen', "Wah.. before marriage, happy like honeymoon. After marriage, honeymoon period finished already..hahaha!" And the customer join in the conversation, "Yup, that's true. Life during marriage isn't as beautiful as life before marriage. It sucks! I'm sorry, I just tell based upon my experience but I think it's the fact."
I can't say that marriage life isn't beautiful because I'm not yet marriage and I think that it's subjective. Nevertheless, I do want to get married but not right now, until I have achieve what I want in life. I do not want to add burden on my shoulders if I am not able to lighten it.
Salam,
Rohani
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