STRESS.LOST.ALIENATED

Assalamualaikum..

I don't know if I've made any mistakes or what. Maybe this is just one obstacle I have to conquer. That is - being able to adapt to my new class.

I am not saying my class is lousy or whatever. But I wish it could have been better. It's not what I've imagined it before school reopens. Iriani know how badly I want to come back to school, thinking that it will be wonderful to meet new people. But now, it isn't.

Since school re-open, I think my stress level had shot up. For every module, expect Math of course, I just felt like my brain is going to burst anytime.
I am not socially cling to most of them. Only the foreigners and one or two peeps in the class. I don't know why I just can't get along with them eventhough I tried to joke around, they don't laugh. Why must I be the one starting the team discussion everytime? Not only for today's module but each and every modules.

Whenever I suggested something and I asked them if there's any objection to it. The answer is always, "Anything lah..". And I always ensured everyone has a task to do so that no one will feel alienated. Frankly, I do get irritated if they asked the same questions that had been answered. I donno.. if it's me or them..or...just.. I don't know.

I went to Denise class today, for help. I was so jealous when I saw the welcoming atmosphere. Everyone were laughing, joking around and helping one another. And I sitting there, wishing that this would be my class, a heaven. Most of my classmates were speaking Mandarin and it really makes me feel left-out.

Denise came to my class later and she can feel the huge gap of difference between hers and mine. And she asked me, "Are you crying". I quickly replied no. Then she said, "Oh, but your nose is red." Is just that, how I wished my class was like W34C.. I love and miss them all.

I know wishing doesn't make any difference. I have to adapt to it and pray hard everything is gonna be alrite.

...........

Wassalam,
Rohani